i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
