i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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