Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
