I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i think i have herpe
just one?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
