cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Randomize
