That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
