i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
