Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
