im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
