I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
