Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
