I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
