She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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