So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Two words: nipple clamps
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