if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
