No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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