sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
