Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize