Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize