those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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