I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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