epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
