Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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