as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
