did you get engaged???
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
