Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
