my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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