ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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