dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
