Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
