i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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