Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
