he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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