it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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