they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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