We need to rekindle our bromance
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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