come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
