so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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