so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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