I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
