I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Terrible idea I love it
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
