I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Randomize
