I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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