3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm gonna have a badass scar
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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