Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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