Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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