I wanna bring you to show and tell
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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