Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
My underwear smells like fireworks.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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