So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
