the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize