He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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