trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
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