Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
