I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
