She said her name was "party"
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
