At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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