He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
