Me. At least after what I've been through.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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