I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Someone signed my nipple.
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