How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
