ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
