Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
it glows. i had to have it.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
