after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize