capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
