my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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