My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
