Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
they need to just BURY HIM!
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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