i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
