She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
