While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize