Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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