If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
