It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize