You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
