she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
