Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He did a backflip because drugs
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