Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
