The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
