she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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