6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
