You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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