i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You've changed since you got that strap on
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
