her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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