the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
