Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
