We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
