Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
