dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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