true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
