If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
