You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
