we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
