i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
