Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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