It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
