I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
