i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
