the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
