I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
