What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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